Divorce

Divorce has become more and more prevalent in today’s society. If something isn’t going your way in the marriage then most people automatically decide that they aren’t compatible anymore and assume that they need to break up. Or if the love isn’t so prominent in the relationship this is also means for divorce in the world today. But the truth is, all couples face difficulties at some point in their life together. Granted, some are more severe than others… During these situations of disagreement, it is easy to let small things appear big, but oftentimes, it distorts the situation into something it's not. We must remember that when these times arise, we must council the Lord and ask Him to soften our hearts because it is usually us that needs the lesson in the conflict. Also, we must remember the things that are shared in a relationship and how they were built together, like a family and children, and how a divorce will more than likely tear them apart, instead of making things easier. Heavenly Father will not let a good thing that He has joined together be separated, if we will come to Him with a humble heart, he can help in times of great trial. 

Fathers

Fathers play an important role in families. Father help show their young boys how to be a Father and start making habits to be success. The best way of learning is through observation. A father provides for a family and he loves their mother and they deal with difficult situations together. A mother and a father both play equally important roles in family life.

Intimacy

Intimacy is a natural and necessary part of marriage.  If taken out of context or forced it will not be as fulfilling or unifying as it has the potential to be. That being said, every sexual relationship is different, just as every relationship is different. If you feel dissatisfied, talk to your partner. Communication is key. Just as when you are talking about difficult situations you shouldn't be pointing fingers or saying harmful things. Have a conversation and figure out a solution together.

Parenting

Parenting is something we will all be affected by in one way or another. We will either become parents or if that’s not the case then we all have had parents and have been parented by someone in our lives. Parenting is not just a matter of getting our children to comply with the rules we have, but is rather a process for us to act on the needs of children. The needs of children can be placed into 5 categories

1. The need for contact

2. The need of belonging

3. The need for protection

4. The need to withdraw

5. The need for challenge                      

                  

When a child acts out, there is usually an underlying cause for the outburst/misbehavior, and it usually falls into one of these five categories stated above. We do not teach kids to behave, rather we teach them how to build character. Character can be built as we address the apparent needs of the child. As we address those needs we won't need to chase around their behavior because as their needs are met they will naturally be happier and more willing to abide by rules of the house.

Same-sex Attraction

There is a difference from being gay and being attracted to the same sex. Many people group these two very different things together as the same thing, as one. When you are gay then you have decided to be in relationships with the same sex. Having an attraction with the same sex, on the other hand, does not mean you are now gay. This attraction, aside from what the masses would like to believe, doesn’t occur at birth. No one is born this way. With same-sex attraction, the individual can seek help to learn how to remove these temptations from his or her life. They must remember, though, not to act on these impulses, for the Lord clearly states that marriage is to be between a man and a woman.

Conflict

Conflict can be good. When you encounter conflict, if you have a humble heart and you want to learn from it and build a better relationship from solving it, then you can begin to see how conflict can actually benefit you and your relationship. By being humble, you realize that not everyone is perfect, including yourself. This step enables you to better understand where the other person is coming from and therefor you are less likely to become offended by something they say or do. Next, conflict can help because when you solve the conflict, or are in the process of solving it, you learn more about the other person than you originally did before, which can help you two to become closer.

Along with conflicts can come stress. According to the Marriage & Family textbook that we are using in my class, the top five most severe stress starting events in a family are:

1. Death of a Child

2. Death of a spouse or parent

3. Separation or divorce of a spouse or parent

4. Physical or Sexual abuse between family members

5. Family member becomes physically disabled or chronically ill

(6. I feel like financial problems can definitely be added to this list as well.)

All these stressor events can cause crisis in the family but any stress and crisis can be overcome if the family uses appropriate coping mechanisms. Coping is the family’s reaction to crisis which can be either good or bad, it all depends on the attitude the family has. Attitude is the difference between making a crisis better or worse.

Cultures and Traditions

Last Tuesday I got my plane ticket to go spend Christmas in Washington with my boyfriend, Taylor's, family. He and I got talking about how this is going to work and what traditions each of us do with our families. It got me thinking about how families in the gospel are so very similar because we obey the Lord's commandments and live the words of the prophets, but we can also be so very different when it comes to our cultures and traditions. AND THAT"S OKAY.

I've come to realize, traditions are great because they bring family together. They bring love into the home. They unite. They are meaningful. Cultures are great because they both unite and teach. They show people that there isn't one correct way to do good or to be good. Culture is something that can have a great influence on a person and as long as the practices of the culture are wholesome and uplifting and center around Christ, then everyone can benefit from the different cultures.

A podcast was given by Linda Burton and Jean Stevens and from it came a great quote:

Heavenly Father created people to be different and he created man to be able to learn. He also has commanded us to love our neighbors. With this being known, I think it is such a blessing that we are all different; that we come from different backgrounds and have different traditions. We have the opportunity to learn from those around us and can see how each person centers their lives around Christ is different ways. 

Gentle Reminders

I think that it is so important to make sure that your husband feels needed and engaged when you are bringing another one of God’s children into the world. When there is engagement and connection in a marriage, then the home and family that the baby will enter will be so much stronger that if that connection between the parents was gone. I think there are quite a lot of little things that we can do to keep our husbands fully engaged before, during and after delivery of a child.

First, schedule doctor appointments around both your schedule and your husbands so that way he can come and be updated just as you are.

Second, let your husband be the first one to know when the baby does something for the first time, like kicking in the stomach.

Third, both of you can read child raising books together and then discuss how you want to go about certain things and how you want to raise your child, that way you are both contributing and are both on the same page.

Fourth, let your husband spend time with just him and the baby, even if it only includes him giving the baby a bath or changing the baby’s diaper, or even napping.

And lastly, I think it can be really engaging to talk about a budget together, decide early on how to budget now that you are bringing another person into the family. This way future arguments on this subject can be avoided.

What is Love?

What is love? How do you define it? Can you define it? How do you feel love? Typically when we talk about love most people think first about the romantic love. They think about those butterflies in the stomach and the sexual side of things. But it is so much more than that and so much more diverse. There are 4 Greek words that describe the types of love.
First we'll talk about Eros. This is the love that most people think of. It is the emotional and romantic part about being in love. This should be the last type of the 4 "loves" to come into play in a relationship. It can cloud and confuse minds, but when fully understood it is a very binding and forceful love.
The next type of love is Philia. Philia is the friendship formed love. It is also known as the brotherly love.
Storge is the third type we will talk about. This can be described as the love that a parent has for a child. This love is always growing and evolving over time and is a type of love you will want in any relationship.
Lastly is Agape. This is a more general love that one can even have toward complete strangers. This love prompts most of us to do acts of service for one another.
These four types of love are essential for any relationship and especially a relationship with a companion or future companion. Like mentioned above, Eros should be the last type of love to enter into a relationship because of its intense effects on those who have it. When the other three loves come into play first, Eros will naturally fall into its role.

Gender Differences

What does it mean to you to be someone of your gender? That is, what trails and qualities do you have as a male or female?
What messages did you get from your parents about appropriate traits?
How do you think you will continue to develop?

We all can recognize at least one difference between boys and girls, but the question of today’s world is does it go deeper than just body differences? Researchers say yes, although they get in a lot of trouble for doing so. Why? Because some people don't want to admit that there are true differences between boys and girls, they don't want to believe that they are different, when in fact, we are. Boys and girls act in different ways and this is noticed when each are born.

Besides the biological differences that distinguish boys from girls, researchers have noted that there are specific gender roles that come into play at infancy. Gender roles refer to the behavior associated with being either male or female. Many believe that it has to do with how your parents raise you, that they raise you to be feminine or masculine. Although that may be true to a degree, researchers have found that even when you raise your kids the same or try to get boys to play with "girl" toys and girls to play with "boy" toys, they choose their own gender specific toys. They found that when given the choice of toys in front of them, boys would usually turn things into guns and be more aggressive in their play whereas the girls would play on teams, be more willing to share, and choose to dress up and role play.

In a 1997 study done by Raty and Snellman, it was documented that boys have better spatial and quantitative ability compared to girls. Also, in the 2010 Eliot study, girls were reported to be 1/5 as aggressive as boys when between the ages or 17 and 29 months old. It can be concluded that females tend to be more of nurturers and boys tend to be more providers and protectors… that there are differences... naturally.

Personal thoughts and stories: In my Family Relations class we had a discussion on this particular topic.  After discussing it, I began thinking more about my own family and how I was raised. I came from a very conservative, traditional family. My dad ran his own business and my mom was able to stay home and raise us kids. I think having parents who participated in the traditional roles for men and women taught me what was expected for a traditional family, but at the same time, I had all brothers so I grew up as more of a tom boy, dressing up in camo and playing swords with my brothers. Looking back at this was interesting because my parents never saw a problem with this and never tried to suppress it, which leads me to believe that when parents tell a child no, they might take it as a challenge and want to do it more than they would have before. Instead, my parents just taught me about my divine role as a daughter of God, but still let me join in on my brothers play-fighting and games.  So I think that when I have a family, I want to parent like my parents did and not suppress a child’s likes and dislikes, but instead encourage what their divine role is as a son or daughter of God.

Children

In 2001, Dallin H. Oaks gave a talk in the April General Conference. He addressed the importance of making important decisions here, decisions that will affect not only you, but your posterity as well. He stated, 

"In terms of priorities for each major decision (such as education, occupation, place of residence, marriage, or childbearing), we should ask ourselves, what will be the eternal impact of this decision?"

In accordance with this, I thought I should take a second to write about the importance of having children and address some of the questions people have when it comes to starting a family.  

First, it is our sacred duty to have children and give them the opportunity to receive bodies. They are God's children who are waiting to come down to this earth to carry out the will of the Lord. One of the big questions that people have when it comes to having kids is how to decide how many children to have. I believe the number of children you and your spouse have really is between both of you and the Lord. But when we are making that decision of when to start a family, the decision needs to be made with Heavenly Father's guidance and with responsibility. Sometimes accepting what God wants can be a hard thing, but we need to be willing to go and do what is asked of us and as long as we are following what God has asked of us then He will bless us and our families. The Lord will always provide a way, but for it to happen, we need to be doing our part in order for Him to do His. But ultimately, the decision of how many kids to have is between you, your spouse, and the Lord.

Second, we need to realize that we are going to be judged on how we raise the children that God blesses us with. We have been commanded to raise our children in a home where the gospel is taught and encouraged. By teaching our children the gospel, we are adding to God's kingdom here on earth and we will be blessing the generations to come.

WHY.

Family: noun

1. As used in the scriptures, a family consists of a husband and wife, children, and sometimes other relatives living in the same house or under one family head. 

Liahona: noun

1. In the Book of Mormon, a brass ball with two pointers that gave directions—as a compass—and also spiritual instruction to Lehi and his followers when they were righteous. The Lord provided the Liahona and gave instructions through it.

From the very beginning, families have been an essential part of the plan of happiness. Without families, we wouldn't be able to return to live with our Father in Heaven. But in today's society, people have become careless with how the family is designed and defined. President Spencer W. Kimball has stated that, "We know the family to be eternal. We know that when things go wrong in the family, things go wrong in every other institution in society." Because of this, I have decided to create a blog about the family and how it can act as a compass and a safe zone for us in the world today.